cat haikus, part 7

I’m writing a book
“humans: good for laps and food”
you’re chapter 14

 

cat haikus, part 6

when I watch you work
I’m not curious or coy
I am judging you

bringer of great things
daily grinding fount of joy
the can opener

that is my turkey
just drop some off of your plate
you know you want to

they forgot my food
time to poop on a pillow
I see no other way

 

cat haikus, part, um…man there are a lot of these!

I think fairly soon I will just condense these all onto one long post. then when I inevitably write more, I will just wait a little bit til I have 10 or so, then post again. eventually, I am going to try to become a thousand-aire by selling these as a small Hallmark-type book. and when that day comes, I will need your help in deciding which are good enough, and which are just, well…not. here’s a few new ones:

I know you love me
but I have to draw the line
no more kitty vests

the toy does not move
yet I know it wants to play
I’ll give it a tap

the T.V. turns on
then a lap is created
I don’t question it

don’t talk down to me
I mean, sure I want the snack
but must you scorn me?

savory beef feast?
ocean whitefish in gravy?
dude, I lick my butt…

 

cat haikus, part 4

oh boy, a car ride!
and they’re all being so nice!
what does “neutered” mean?

 

cat haikus, part 3

funnily enough, 2 posts worth of my cat haikus have brought more traffic to my blog than everything else I’ve posted combined. and that includes Henri! people love cat haikus! here’s a new one:

feet under covers
are like mortal enemies
your toes are my foes

 

cat haikus, part 2

so people seemed to have fun with my first set of cat haikus, so here are some more…thanks to 1218 for one of the inspirational lines…

a sunday. a bath?
a struggle. a great escape.
band-aids. victory!

whoa, that’s close enough
I do NOT want any pills
I will cut you, bitch

incessant drooling
obsessed with that tennis ball
the dog has to go

I’m sorry you’re sick
I will cuddle on your lap
(more for me than you)

I pee on what’s mine
what do you do, write your name?
yeah, that’s gonna work

 

cat haikus

I’ve started writing these at work. enjoy!

I must get out now
oh my god, now I’m outside
I have to get in!

when I eat catnip
I am a wild, crazy cat
the detox is rough

oriental rugs
a basket of clean laundry
places to be sick

I love to eat grass
though it makes me sick each time
like you and vodka

oh, a ball of string
am I supposed to go wild?
I am not a fool

I may seem content
but while I snuggle and purr
I plot your demise

 

stars

here is the reason why I still have faith in digital cameras and hobby filmmakers…youtube ball-shots notwithstanding, sometimes they bring a tear to your eye…

 

I still hate Scientology, but not any more than before

a bit of a deal is being made about this video of actor Jason Beghe, a former Scientologist, speaking out against the cult religion.

unfortunately, he doesn’t really say much of anything, and he was in One Missed Call, so how can I really trust him?

I hate Scientology, but if this guy really wants to help, he needs to be more specific and less angry and wild-eyed. of course, he was a Scientologist for many years. it probably takes a while to wear off.

 

Too Late for a Baby?

In response to this post by 1218blog, I offer this bit of hope, courtesy of a Patton Oswalt video.